I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.

I know, right now you can't tell...
(Matchbox Twenty- Unwell) 

Intermediate Lesson 18- Auvergne

We travel to the Auvergne region for this class, and we prepared a braised forcemeat dish wrapped by cabbage and bacon.

Pow

We've made so many forcemeat dishes already it's getting boring. What annoyed me in this class is that in the past, the chefs presented the rule of forcemeats using 20g of salt for 1 kilogram of protein, but for this dish they're saying it's 9g of salt for 1 kilogram of protein. When I asked the Chef, he said "Obviously it all depends on the dish." Then why was there a rule if its always going to depend on the dish anyways? At least this dish is wrapped in bacon. Everything is better when it's wrapped in bacon. We served the dish with some vegetables cut to pont-neuf.

Confession: I didn't go to practical class today. The picture was from the chef's demonstration class last Saturday. I've been suffering from a terrible sore throat since Saturday, and last night I woke up basically every other hour because I was drowning in my own phlegm. My throat hurts when I eat and talk. Sorry, I know it's TMI, but I feel compelled to explain myself because I am also assistant for the week with Gulnazi. I feel terrible to have bailed out on her and left her alone because today the assistant had to grind up the meat for the entire class. Really sorry about this Gulnazi. I intend on going back to school at noon today and help with the afternoon practical.

Although my throat is really killing me now, at least I don't have a fever. In intensive, you can easily miss 4 classes just by skipping one day. That would really suck since you are only allowed 6 absences.

I have to admit though: sleeping in on a Monday morning felt great.

Quotes from this class:

Student *Pointing at the forcemeat wrap that the chef made*: That's for one person?
Demo Chef Caals: Oui Madam. This is for one person.
Student: Oh my god. Can I do a smaller one?
Chef Caals: We're already using our smallest bowl as a mold
Student: I dunno, to me that size is already really..... intimidating!
The Chef ended up serving a half portion dish for her.

So We Can Have Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun 'Cause 2 is Better Than 1 1 1 1 1

I see you, you see me, I see her too let's be 3
(Far East Movement- 2 is Better than 1)

Intermediate Lesson 04- Red Mullet

Ooph.... This is the first time that I have two practicals in one day. I'd have to get used to this because this is the norm in Intensive. It's pretty fun because I like practicals, and two is always better than one. It's pretty clear that I'm feeling tired though, because I definitely
1. fell asleep in the demonstration
2. couldn't focus properly during practical

Today was particularly hard because I was still operating with one finger out of commission. The bandage job that I prepared for my Fowl class clearly wasn't sufficient yesterday because it broke down easily halfway through the class. It's just hard to maintain any kind of bandage job in the kitchen because of all the grease/heat/water that you deal with. Just to be extra careful, I used a glove to cover my hand, so now I have a finger guard covered by a glove. Two is better than one right? This system actually works quite well,until the latex glove tears and becomes a water bag that ends up drowning my hand.

We prepared a funky Red Mullet fillet dish served with a black olive tapenade gratin, savory onion "royal" custard, emulsified star anise and parsley sauce. We had to fillet a fish, but not entirely, cut and take out the spine and bones, and then put in the gratin filling into the fish.

Chef's version of the dish.

I blame it on the low quality of our fish because all of our fishes (the chef's included) broke and the fillings started overflowing. My fish in particular was really poorly done, mostly because I still haven't quite mastered searing on a parchment paper. I'll save you from seeing the atrocity that I made. I have to admit the savory onion custard was quite good, though I think I'm the only one in my class to think that way.

The biggest news today was that we had Mr Napoleon Dynamite again, whom I've met here and here. As you may have noticed, I had a very low opinion of him while in Basic. I must admit that he was very reasonable today. At the very least he wasn't downright offensive to students. He also remembered me "Oh you....... Monsieur Howard Kwok who is from Hong Kong but also from America. You're back." Throughout class he asked me how I was doing, and gave me some advice when I asked him what happened to my fish. Finally at the end of the class he went straight to taste my dish first, despite other people finishing before me and were waiting in line for him to grade. "No, I must try Howard's dish first." Thanks Chef.

Quote of this class:

Halfway through demonstration class, the dumb waiter speakerphone rings for the chef
Woman through speakerphone: CHEF! Can you please close the elevator door when you are done?
Chef Poupard: It's closed already Suzanna!
Suzanna: Merci my Chou-chou!
Translator *Laughs: Chou-chou means "Little cabbage," which is what Suzanna likes to call the Chef.
Chef Poupard *Visibly embarrassed: And if I hear any of you repeat that in the school... if I heard anyone call me that in the hallway, I'LL KILL YOU! Remember, only Suzanna can call me that!



"So mesdam, you should be happy to see this. The female dominates the male in this world, for once. For once!"

-Demo Chef Poupard, 

When Explaining the Anatomy of Scallops, which are

 Hermaphrodites with a larger female reproductive organ than male.

The Fundamental Things Apply, As Time Goes By.

It's still the same old story. A fight for love and glory. A case of do or die....
(Frank Sinatra- As Time Goes By)

Intermediate Lesson 02- Cabbage wraps

Our dish today is a Savory cabbage filled with salmon, served with a red wine sauce.

You'll have to imagine the salmon and fillings inside the cabbage.

The dish is pretty delicious, though I personally never liked red wine sauce. The filling consists of a perfectly cooked salmon with delicious bits of bacon, onion, celery and carrots.

The Chef (Need to figure out his name) commented that my fish and garnishes were very good, but that my sauce was too reduced. I guess I'm just always afraid that my sauce is not reduced enough because I have a history of my sauce being too liquid.

The big news today was that I cut myself again! I can count the times I cut myself during basic, but for whatever reason I am now two for two in intermediate. This time was pretty deep- I still remember the feeling of cool metal gliding into my finger, followed by blood splattering all over my uniform. Everywhere I went, there were traces of blood on the floor. I quickly tried to stop the bleeding with paper towels but to no avail even after 3 minutes. The practical brought me to the front desk to treat my wound, and the staff was debating whether they should send me to the hospital because it wouldn't stop bleeding even after a good 10 minutes. "NO!" I insisted that I was fine. "But if it's too deep, you'll need stitches!" The staff insisted.

As they debating about my fate, I started chatting with the receptionist and we discussed what kind of cut I had. She said that it was an émincer, which would imply a straight cut, but I said "nonono it's definitely an escaloper," because it was cut at an offset to my finger. I was about to undo the tape on my finger to prove my point when the debating staffs turned to me.

Ouch... please no condom jokes thank you.
I'm still bleeding after 8 hours. THISISSERIOUS!

The staff could not agree on whether I should go to the hospital, so they asked what I wanted. "Bien sûr je voudrais continuer mon cours." I reiterated. Finally they let me go back to class, where a surprised Chef greeted me in the classroom. Apparantly he already pronounced me dead, and was about to distribute my materials to the rest of the class. I swear if I came back and saw my stuff gone I would have made sure that I was not the only one bleeding. Just kidding......right.

Anyways, I discovered an unexpected benefit of being injured- I can be totally sloppy with my cuts now! Hey! The garnishes are meant to be cut burnoise, which is always the bane of my life. Seriously, I hate burnoise. But now I can cut them any way I want and just say " Mais Chef, j'ai un doigt très blessé!" Hah, nono I still cut my vegetables properly, though maybe a bit larger than required. That I blame on the fact that I lost 15 minutes fixing my finger and so I had to work faster.

At the end of the class, I thanked the Chef for taking care of me and my index finger, and he praised me for coming back to class. He even wrote in french "Had a bad injury but still returned to the classroom. Bravo!" on my grading sheet. Thanks chef. I would never miss a class for something like that. Too bad you're not British, or I'd make a Monty Python reference ("'just a flesh wound").

The key lesson from today is- despite finishing Basic Cuisine at Le Cordon Bleu, one must remember the fundamental skills and remain vigilant when cooking. I admit I was a bit sloppy in holding the celery when I cut myself. Next time, it might be more than just a deep cut. Noted, I'll do better.

To make myself feel better, I went for a late night ramen snack. Nothing makes me feel better than a bowl of noodle soup and beer.

 Now you see it.....

Quote of the day:

"Pulling out the mushroom stem is like pulling a baby teeth- you just need to rock them back and forth gently and they'll pop right off."

-Demo Chef Caals

Comme tout le monde j'ai mes défauts....

J'ai pas toujours les mots qu'il faut...
(Natasha St-Pier - Tu Trouveras)

Lesson 12- Stuffings - Part 2

For today's class we learned how to fillet a raw chicken and stuff forcemeat into the breast meat. As we learned last class, forcemeat is a mixure of ground lean meat with fat. This class, we created the forcemeat with a food processor (Robo-coup en français), turning chicken breastmeat into a very lightly textured purée called mousseline forcemeat. We stuffed the purée into the chicken breasts and served it with a delicious mushroom cream sauce.

Yummy food.

To my surprise, the challenge today was in fact not cutting the bird, but instead learning how to "turn" a mushroom.

We're suppose to cut a mushroom like THIS?

Needless to say I completely screwed up my mushrooms. Luckily no one in my group did really well here.

However, even the mushroom paled in comparison to my biggest challenge today- leaving my keys in my apartment and locking myself out. I had no access to my knives and uniform until 9pm, and my class would start at 6:30pm. After a few frantic phone calls, I managed to convince Jonathan, a friendly Canadian classmate from another section, to lend me his equipment and uniform. Thank you Jonathan. I don't even know your last name.

Still I didn't have my notes to cook with, and I had to fly blind, trying to do everything from memory. I was so angry at myself for this screw-up, but I guess nobody is perfect.

Quote from this class:

"You should be glad that I am too tall to see your face. But I know who you are. You should know you really shouldn't sit in the last row. There's a seat in the first row calling your name. Come. Really, come down and sit in the first row. It'll do you wonders." - Demo Chef Legué, after a student in the last row asked a question with a fairly obvious answer.

Baby Grind with Me

Relax your mind take your time on me
Pretty Ricky - Grind With Me

Lesson 11- Forcemeat Stuffings- Part 1

Today we learned about making forcemeat stuffings. Forcemeat is made from a mixture of ground lean and fat meat "forced" through a grinder. The fat is necessary to grease the grinder, and you would start the grinder by forcing some chunks of pork fatback through before putting other pieces of meat through. This is the stuffing used in dishes such as sausages and pâtés, although we are just going to wrap the forcemeat with tenderized veal.

Stuffed veal rolls with glazed vegetables

Perhaps I still have a juvenile mind, but  when I saw the demo chef and assistant forcing meat down grinder I totally understand what people mean when they say "Laws are like sausage. It is better not to see them being made."The way the meat was forced out of the metal tubes all mushed together in a paste... I mean a fecal joke was just waiting to happen (it did, see below). It also didn't help that for whatever reason the grinder was going very slow with the food and the chef and assistant both pushed down really hard to force the meat through the system grinder for a good few minutes. Later on we found out it was because the grinder was set to its lowest setting, and after some adjustment the grinder processed through all the meat in short order.

I was supremely disappointing to learn that in our practical class the forcemeat would have been prepared for us already, and all we had to do was to marinate it and cook the damn thing. Maybe in the future I can try my hands on using a meat grinder.

We also learned how to make turned vegetables, which is this very complex way of cutting a large carrot into tiny bite size carrots shaped like an American football (or rugby, if you may). Do they not have baby carrots in France? Così should open a Parisian store and educate the masses here.


Quote from this class:
"I think the grinder is constipated. Just push harder! That's why they call it 'forcemeat'." -The translator providing colorful commentary as both the chef and assistant struggled to push meat through the grinder