Sur Le Pont d'Avignon, On y Danse, On y Danse....

Les belles dames font comme ça! Et puis encore comme ça!
(Sur Le Pont d'Avignon)

Intermediate Lesson 21- Provence

We've arrived at Provence, with a ice-cold bottle of Côtes de Provence rosé in our hand and surrounded by lavender fields. In my opinion, Provence is the most beautiful region of france. Avignon, Aix-en-Provence, Arles, Nîmes..... I've always said that if I ever make it big in life, one of the thing I would do is to drive a convertible sports car to the Verdon Gorge and then para-glide down the canyon.... One day.

We made pretty incredibly annoying dish. A fish stew with a Mediterranean scorpion fish and a John Dory, with a fish stew flavored by a conger eel. In other words, we had to fillet three different types of fish, marinate the fish, and then cook the damn thing. The dish wouldn't be so annoying if it actually tasted good. Sadly, it tasted rather bland. The sauce was not flavorful enough to be delicious, yet we've added so many things that one could not taste the fish anymore.

Dun-dun-dun!

The sauce is flavored by a bunch of aromatic garnishes. But we also added some saffron and espelette pepper for flavor. There's also basil involved. For the thickener, we used a potato, egg yolk and garlic. All in all, I think the dish was too busy.

I must say though, this is the first time that I thought my fish fillets came out pretty good.All the practices I had from the past really paid off, because I THINK I'm finally grasping the skills necessary to fillet a fish. Finally, my fillets came out looking respectable. I'm very proud of myself.

We had Chef Bogen for practical today, who has been MIA since Basic Cuisine ended. This man knows how to keep the pressure up, although I have to admit he's eased down a lot today relative to the man I remembered from before. Perhaps it's because we are in intermediate, or perhaps he has changed. I don't know. I have to admit that he would pretty good advice every time he saw me doing something very wrong.

Quote of the class:

Demo Chef Poupard: Pop quiz, what is the base of a Sauce Américaine?

Student 1: Is it ketchup?

Chef: WHAT? No.....! You want to make a sauce with Heniz?

Student 1: Doesn't the American sauce contain ketchup? Or mayonnaise or something?

Chef: No madam! We might as well mix in some Tobasco Sauce! I think you're confusing it with cocktail sauce.

Student 1: Geee.... then I have never heard of Sauce Américaine!

Chef: We just did it last week!

Student 2: It's a sauce made with a lobster base.
Chef: Thank you! At least someone is still awake.

In a champagne supernova in the sky....

How many special people change? How many lives are living strange?
(Oasis- Champagne Supernova)

Intermediate Lesson 17- Champagne

Our Grand Tour de France today takes us to Champagne, with its universally acclaimed sparkling wine. We made a braised sole fillet stuffed with fish forcemeat and served with a Champagne sauce and mushroom flan. Oh we also had to "turn" mushrooms, which was the bane of my existence in basic. It is back, and this time there's no escaping.

Insert Explosion Sound

I added some chives for garnishing because the dish looked so drab on its own. I'm really proud to say though that this was one of my best dishes in intermediate. The presentation was fantastic, everything was cooked well. Flavoring was fantastic. The sauce was great, with good acidity and texture. The mushroom flan was yummy. The turned mushrooms could look nicer, but tasted great. I even finished early, and timing has been a consistent issue for me in intermediate. My only weakness was that my station should be cleaner. Dude, I've been told to be more organized since parents-teachers day in grade school. I've long given up being tidy. Thank you very much but I'ma gonna focus more on my strengths than my weaknesses, chef.

All of this masks a fundamental problem of this class: Our soles came filleted. We didn't have to do any of the slicing ourselves. As some of you may know, I've always struggled with filleting a fish. If we had to cut that damn sole, I don't think I would have done nearly as well. This is also an exam dish, and the chef refuses to say whether we will be getting the fillets or a whole fish in the exam.

We had some extra Champagne from this class's leftovers and we definitely finished it off after class. Ahhh nice cold fizzy champagne. Not a bad way to end a practical class! In my old school, this would have been grounds for dismissal, but here even the chef drank with us.

Santè! Chin-chin! Cheers! Salud! Prost! Salute! Pura vida! 飲勝! 干杯 (随意)! Kampai!

Whatever language you speak, the meaning's the same!

Man, it's the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I don't deny that I'm missing me some old-fashioned all-american capitalistic fist-fighting in the mall for Black Friday sales. I see so many Black Friday deals online that I really wish I could just go help lift the national consumer spending this weekend.

Quote from this class:

Me: Chef, an average egg is 50 grams, and the recipe calls for 175 grams of eggs, do we really need to measure out 3 and a half an egg, or can we just use 4 eggs?
Chef: Well, the truth is, many of these recipes alter their ingredients slightly for copyright reasons. They can't put down the same exact ingredients as other published sources. That's why you sometimes see recipes calling for 2.33grams of salt, when it just means a pinch. So yeah, use 4 eggs. It's just a question of copyrights.
Me: Oui Chef.

"I heard this when I was 20, and I was shocked hearing this at such a young age.... And again.... I'm just passing you a saying that's very well known among French chefs. I didn't make it up, so don't blame me.... They say a cook who doesn't have their dish cloth is like a prostitute without her ass.... yeah, there you have it. That's why all chefs are crazy. We've been pushed and exposed to all sorts of crazy stuff at a young age."

-Chef on explaining why we always need to

carry at least one dish cloth

Oh girl, when I'm in love with you, Keep fishin' if you feel it's true.....

You'll never do, The things you want, If you don't move, And get a job
(Weezer- Keep Fishin')

Intermediate Lesson 13- Alsace

Our dish for this class is a filleted trout stuffed with morel mushrooms.

 Chef's version

 My version. Isn't it nearly identical?

I still suck at filleting a fish. It's definitely no longer like my first experience when I nearly destroyed the fish, but I'm still not quite there yet. I'm so glad I didn't get a fish for my basic exam. The trout was probably the easiest fish I've filleted, but then I discovered that the fish has an infinite number of bones piercing out of its flesh to be taken out one by one.

Honestly the dish is not that exciting, except for the UFO pebble shaped carrots that we had to turn.

Yep this is definitely NOT done by me.

What's more exciting is the region that we covered: Alsace. They say Strasbourg is one of the most beautiful cities in the world during Christmas. Personally I really want to go check it out this year, maybe after my exams. Any one want to go with me?

We had a new chef today for our practical. Chef Andriamanjoka hails from Madagascar and looks like he came straight out of a Paul Gaugain painting. He was really good to work with.

The Chef.

Quotes from this class:

Demo Chef Poupard: Kouglof is another type of legume (vegetable) that people eat in Alsace
Student: Wait, Kouglof, isn't that a kind of pastry or cake?
Chef: Yes, it's made from a dough.
Student: Then it is not a legume! It's not grown!
Chef: Mais oui! It is a type of made legume!
Student: Well is pretzel a legume?
Chef: It can be! Look I'm using the word legume generally to refer to garnishes. These kind of items can be generically called a legume if they are served as a garnish to a main dish. Understand?
Student: .....

When demonstrating how to prepare the trout
Student: Chef, do we need to take the eyes out of the trout, like we do with other fishes?
Demon Chef Poupard: Non, ce n'est pas la peine. It doesn't matter. We'll leave it on the fish so it can see better.
Chef Poupard was referring to the dead trout that he just filleted and boned.

Someday I'll be living in a big old city, And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing.
(Taylor Swift- Mean)

Intermediate Lesson 06- More Fish Stuffing

Today, the Sea Bream returns. This time, we served it with some shrimp forcemeat.

Pow Pow!

We had the wonderful Chef Ju for class today, whom we've met here, here and here. She's one of the sweetest chefs you'd get at Le Cordon Bleu, and I'm just grateful that I had her today, because my Sea bream sucked. The most outrageous thing is that sea breams were an exam dish for basic. I'm just glad that I didn't get that dish.

For this dish, we layered some grounded up shrimp on top of the fish fillet, and then wrapped the whole thing with lettuce. We made some puréed Jerusalem artichoke (which are neither from Jerusalem nor are artichokes). and served it with some diced tomatoes. The chef's comments were: Fish/forecemeat/vegetable was well cooked. Sauce too creamy (I didn't know this would be possible in French cuisine!) and the diced tomatoes should be smaller because they are for presentation.

Now a bit about Chef Ju. As I mentioned in previous posts, she is one of the sweetest chefs on campus, always giving us good and encouraging advice. Which is why it is funny when some Russian TV show that did a program on Le Cordon Bleu decided to brand Chef Ju as the meanest and strictest chef at the school. When our Russian (actually Kaszak, but she married Russian) classmate mentioned it to her, she just blushed and got really embarrassed. And then she got all strict on the student, it was actually quite funny. For the rest of the class, Chef Ju tried to be a lot meaner, though every time she got really strict she would laugh and apologize. "It's because you guys all said I was the meanest! So I gotta be more mean right???" Sorry chef, you're always going to be the nicest chef in the school, and a nice person can never be really mean.

Chef Ju Caught in Action (Photo Credit: Gulnazi. Thanks!)

Newsflash! I did not cut myself either yesterday or today! However, when I changed out of my uniform I noticed a big burn mark on my arm. Strange, because I don't remember burning myself today.

Quotes from this class:

Chef Caals: Martin! You have to come and clean my pan!
Classmate Martin: Wait... you serious?!
Chef Caals: Yes I'm serious! You really need to know how to do everything to survive as a chef. Washing dishes.... cleaning the kitchen.... setting tables..... babysitting..... and occasionally cooking. That's the only way you can prove that you are serious in the kitchen!

 -Demo Chef Caals 

cold calling a hapless student to help him wash his

Sauce pan with butter that he accidentally burnt.

During practical, when Chef Ju walked by my station

Chef Ju: Howard, why do you look so nervous?

Me: Because Chef Ju... I'm afraid my fish stock will not come out right. And you're right next to me!

Chef Ju: Why would you be afraid of that?

Me: Because I overheard that.... that the Russians think you are the meanest chef in the school!

Chef Ju: @#%^$#! WHAT? I'M NOT THAT MEAN !

Me: I know chef. I'm just kidding.

Chef Ju: Well you want to see me mean? Clean your station! What is that stain doing there? Why are there empty pans lying around! DO IT NOW! I'll show you mean!

Me: Oui Chef......

So We Can Have Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun 'Cause 2 is Better Than 1 1 1 1 1

I see you, you see me, I see her too let's be 3
(Far East Movement- 2 is Better than 1)

Intermediate Lesson 04- Red Mullet

Ooph.... This is the first time that I have two practicals in one day. I'd have to get used to this because this is the norm in Intensive. It's pretty fun because I like practicals, and two is always better than one. It's pretty clear that I'm feeling tired though, because I definitely
1. fell asleep in the demonstration
2. couldn't focus properly during practical

Today was particularly hard because I was still operating with one finger out of commission. The bandage job that I prepared for my Fowl class clearly wasn't sufficient yesterday because it broke down easily halfway through the class. It's just hard to maintain any kind of bandage job in the kitchen because of all the grease/heat/water that you deal with. Just to be extra careful, I used a glove to cover my hand, so now I have a finger guard covered by a glove. Two is better than one right? This system actually works quite well,until the latex glove tears and becomes a water bag that ends up drowning my hand.

We prepared a funky Red Mullet fillet dish served with a black olive tapenade gratin, savory onion "royal" custard, emulsified star anise and parsley sauce. We had to fillet a fish, but not entirely, cut and take out the spine and bones, and then put in the gratin filling into the fish.

Chef's version of the dish.

I blame it on the low quality of our fish because all of our fishes (the chef's included) broke and the fillings started overflowing. My fish in particular was really poorly done, mostly because I still haven't quite mastered searing on a parchment paper. I'll save you from seeing the atrocity that I made. I have to admit the savory onion custard was quite good, though I think I'm the only one in my class to think that way.

The biggest news today was that we had Mr Napoleon Dynamite again, whom I've met here and here. As you may have noticed, I had a very low opinion of him while in Basic. I must admit that he was very reasonable today. At the very least he wasn't downright offensive to students. He also remembered me "Oh you....... Monsieur Howard Kwok who is from Hong Kong but also from America. You're back." Throughout class he asked me how I was doing, and gave me some advice when I asked him what happened to my fish. Finally at the end of the class he went straight to taste my dish first, despite other people finishing before me and were waiting in line for him to grade. "No, I must try Howard's dish first." Thanks Chef.

Quote of this class:

Halfway through demonstration class, the dumb waiter speakerphone rings for the chef
Woman through speakerphone: CHEF! Can you please close the elevator door when you are done?
Chef Poupard: It's closed already Suzanna!
Suzanna: Merci my Chou-chou!
Translator *Laughs: Chou-chou means "Little cabbage," which is what Suzanna likes to call the Chef.
Chef Poupard *Visibly embarrassed: And if I hear any of you repeat that in the school... if I heard anyone call me that in the hallway, I'LL KILL YOU! Remember, only Suzanna can call me that!



"So mesdam, you should be happy to see this. The female dominates the male in this world, for once. For once!"

-Demo Chef Poupard, 

When Explaining the Anatomy of Scallops, which are

 Hermaphrodites with a larger female reproductive organ than male.

The Fundamental Things Apply, As Time Goes By.

It's still the same old story. A fight for love and glory. A case of do or die....
(Frank Sinatra- As Time Goes By)

Intermediate Lesson 02- Cabbage wraps

Our dish today is a Savory cabbage filled with salmon, served with a red wine sauce.

You'll have to imagine the salmon and fillings inside the cabbage.

The dish is pretty delicious, though I personally never liked red wine sauce. The filling consists of a perfectly cooked salmon with delicious bits of bacon, onion, celery and carrots.

The Chef (Need to figure out his name) commented that my fish and garnishes were very good, but that my sauce was too reduced. I guess I'm just always afraid that my sauce is not reduced enough because I have a history of my sauce being too liquid.

The big news today was that I cut myself again! I can count the times I cut myself during basic, but for whatever reason I am now two for two in intermediate. This time was pretty deep- I still remember the feeling of cool metal gliding into my finger, followed by blood splattering all over my uniform. Everywhere I went, there were traces of blood on the floor. I quickly tried to stop the bleeding with paper towels but to no avail even after 3 minutes. The practical brought me to the front desk to treat my wound, and the staff was debating whether they should send me to the hospital because it wouldn't stop bleeding even after a good 10 minutes. "NO!" I insisted that I was fine. "But if it's too deep, you'll need stitches!" The staff insisted.

As they debating about my fate, I started chatting with the receptionist and we discussed what kind of cut I had. She said that it was an émincer, which would imply a straight cut, but I said "nonono it's definitely an escaloper," because it was cut at an offset to my finger. I was about to undo the tape on my finger to prove my point when the debating staffs turned to me.

Ouch... please no condom jokes thank you.
I'm still bleeding after 8 hours. THISISSERIOUS!

The staff could not agree on whether I should go to the hospital, so they asked what I wanted. "Bien sûr je voudrais continuer mon cours." I reiterated. Finally they let me go back to class, where a surprised Chef greeted me in the classroom. Apparantly he already pronounced me dead, and was about to distribute my materials to the rest of the class. I swear if I came back and saw my stuff gone I would have made sure that I was not the only one bleeding. Just kidding......right.

Anyways, I discovered an unexpected benefit of being injured- I can be totally sloppy with my cuts now! Hey! The garnishes are meant to be cut burnoise, which is always the bane of my life. Seriously, I hate burnoise. But now I can cut them any way I want and just say " Mais Chef, j'ai un doigt très blessé!" Hah, nono I still cut my vegetables properly, though maybe a bit larger than required. That I blame on the fact that I lost 15 minutes fixing my finger and so I had to work faster.

At the end of the class, I thanked the Chef for taking care of me and my index finger, and he praised me for coming back to class. He even wrote in french "Had a bad injury but still returned to the classroom. Bravo!" on my grading sheet. Thanks chef. I would never miss a class for something like that. Too bad you're not British, or I'd make a Monty Python reference ("'just a flesh wound").

The key lesson from today is- despite finishing Basic Cuisine at Le Cordon Bleu, one must remember the fundamental skills and remain vigilant when cooking. I admit I was a bit sloppy in holding the celery when I cut myself. Next time, it might be more than just a deep cut. Noted, I'll do better.

To make myself feel better, I went for a late night ramen snack. Nothing makes me feel better than a bowl of noodle soup and beer.

 Now you see it.....

Quote of the day:

"Pulling out the mushroom stem is like pulling a baby teeth- you just need to rock them back and forth gently and they'll pop right off."

-Demo Chef Caals

Just Give Me a Reason, Just a Little Bit's Enough.

It's in the stars, It's been written in the scars on our hearts
(P!ink- Just Give Me A Reason)

Lesson 27- Fileting a Fish (Review)

Today we made pan seared Sea Bream Fillets:

I'd like to talk more about this dish, but frankly my dear I don't give a damn anymore. For practical, we had Mr Napoleon Dynamite again, whom we encountered earlier in the semester. Though he was markedly better this time around, he still walked around making inappropriate comments and taunting students, all in the name of keeping the atmosphere light. I swear this guy enjoys power-tripping over everyone because he has some personal insecurity issues (for one, his lack-of height). I think our German classmate got so upset that she cried in the locker room because of something he said in German about German women. Personally, I was so annoyed at the way he belittled every student throughout the class that I messed up my fish and the skin was peeling off. Then, when I was talking my photo he yelled at me because I was already late.

At the end of the class, he walked around handing students paper notes with "0" written on it, saying they're getting zeros for their grade because of some silly reason, then laughed and said that he was only kidding. When I was washing my knives, he handed the "0" to me because I was "washing my knives too slow." I almost lost it. I've kicked the asses of bigger men in college kendo and chewed up tougher guys at Morgan Stanley + Harvard Business School than him. I remained respectful to him throughout the class because to paraphrase Band of Brothers, I respect the rank not the man. I'm sure he's an accomplished chef, and I respect his willingness to become a teacher, but bullying students because he can hide behind his position as Chef is cowardly and shameful. Just give me a reason just a little bit's enough, Chef, and I will devour you for breakfast à la Michael Phelps.

Anyways, I think my classmates noticed that I wasn't amused, and tried to console me after class. I'm very grateful for having supportive classmates.

Something constructive: If you put a round parchment paper directly on a regular pan, you can turn any pan into a make-shift non-stick pan. Doesn't work perfectly, but may be a lifesaving technique someday.

Quote from this class:

At the end of practical, I was last to leave the classroom
Chef: Ou-ard, you're the slowest to leave the classroom. For that you get a DOUBLE ZERO for your grade. *Hands a piece a paper with "00" written on it.
Me: Merci Chef. Do you know what I see on this piece of paper?
Chef: No... what?
Me: To me, that's an infinite sign (∞). Thank you for the grade.
Chef: What are you...... an engineer?
Me: No Chef, I'm a culinary student.


Fuck you, @$$hole.

Turning Japanese I Think I'm Turning Japanese I Really Think So...

I often kiss you when there's no one else around
(The Vapors- Turning Japanese)

Lesson 26- Fish Terrine

Today's dish is rather strange: Hot Fish Terrine with Beurre Blanc. A Beurre Blanc is a butter-based sauce cooked with shallots, reduced white wine and vinegar, and cream:

 Fish Terrine as Prepared by Chef Bogen

The final dish feels like a cross between a Japanese maki roll and the Japanese kamaboko that I ate as a child. Even the chef described the dish as a maki. However, instead of rolling the dish in nori, we rolled it in layers of poached spinach. The white part of the roll is the fish terrine, which taste shockingly like kamaboko, which is a kind of Japanese fish cake or fish paste. Point is the whole dish felt very Japanese-y. We should have served it with soy sauce.

However, the dish was surprisingly hard to cook. Out of 10 students in our practical, only 3 successfully had a good fish terrein. The rest of the students (myself included), had undercooked fish terrine that resulted in the white terrine appear more like toothpaste than solid fish cakes.

My Disaster as Layed Out on
My Cutting Board

My dish was already not the worst, as I was nearly there. 2 of my classmates had their fish cake collapsed when they took their products out of the molds. Their texture looked more like Greek Yogurt than cooked terrine.

I have two hypothesis in why my dish came out wrong, despite my leaving it in the oven for 12 minutes more than in the demonstration:

1. My oven is simply not hot enough- Our practical kitchen ovens is not as effective as the professional oven that they have in the demonstration classroom. And so maybe the amount of time needed in our practical chefs is much longer than what was shown in demonstration But this doesn't explain why 3 classmates were successful while 7 of us failed.

2. My spinach was too moist- We poached our spinach, lay out the leaves, and then put them together as a skin. After poaching my spinach, I kind of lazily let them sit on a tray soaking in water (sorry chef). I remember seeing a few of my classmates being just as sloppy as I was, and perhaps this explains why only 3 of us had successful products while most of us failed: perhaps the successful cases were by people who were more diligent of their items.

Point is, the dish was still good, and the ends justify the means.... right? Everything goes into your digestive system and comes out as shit anyways.

Lesson of the day: To thicken your sauce with butter, you have to prepare small cubes of very cold butter and have the sauce boil. We usually soak the butter in ice water just before we add them into the sauce. The reason is oil and water do not mix , and if you just melt butter into a water-based sauce, the fats will float onto the top of the liquid. By adding bits of ice cold butter into a boiling liquid (and whisking vigorously), you achieve a type of thermal shock to the butter and emulsify the fat. The end result is the butter mixes homogeneously in the sauce and gives the sauce a thick, buttery and heavenly texture.

Quote from this class:

"It doesn't matter whether you are in a 3 star Michelin restaurant, or a cheap bistrot ordering a 10 Euro dish. If your plate has stains, your client will send his food back to the kitchen. SO CLEAN YOUR PLATE BEFORE SERVING!"

- Chef-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named Yelling at A Hapless Student in Practical

Why should it be that the fish in the sea are all unable to sing?

Just listen to me young fellow. What need is there for fish to sing, when I can roar and bellow? 
(Mr Scruff- Fish)

Lesson 15- Brill Fillets in White Wine Sauce

Ugh we've had fish for two classes in a row, and my fingers now perpetually smell like fish. Then again, we had a wonderful brill fillet dish today.

This is the second time that we filleted a fish, and again it is a type of flatfish. I have to admit that this time has been much easier than our first time. Although I screwed up 2 of my slices, I am proud to say that my 2 other slices came out remarkably well, with minimal meat left on the bones. Deskinning was also pretty straightforward. On the other hand, the brill so much more slippery than the lemon sole, and it was not pleasant handling it. As with last time, we braised the fish in a stock made by the fish's own bones. Cruel.

The real challenge was the turned potatoes anglaise shape, IE big 4-5 cm pieces of potatoes cut into oval shapes. Turning has been one of the hardest skills for me master. I've always flunked grade school arts & crafts class, so I really don't think I can improve much here.

Chef Legue's comments for me is "Fish is well cooked. Sauce is well flavored. Potatoes are well cooked but need to be uniform in size." Uniform in size? Do you realize how proud I was just to make those potatoes look decently turned? Anyways, I guess I'll just have to keep practicing!

The braising liquid used:
Fish stock (Brill bones, 1/4 onion, 2 shallots, butter, Bouquet Garni, White wine and cold water)
Cooking Garnish (1 chopped onion, 2 chopped shallots, 3 tomatoes peeled, skinned and chopped)
We then turned the braising liquid into a sauce:
add: 100ml white wine
REDUCE!
add 125g butter
add 2 tbsp finely chopped parsley as late as possible
Boom

Surprisingly we didn't have to strain the sauce today before serving.

Quote from this class:

"This is a Brill. It's a type of flatfish that lies at the bottom of the ocean floor. Kind of like the lemon sole that you had earlier in the term. Flat fishes swim like this." *WOBBLES the dead brill vertically* Fish refuses to wobble "Rigidity is a sign of freshness in a fish."
... Later in the class
"This is a Salmon. It swims normally in the sea. Like this." *WOBBLES the dead salmon horizontally*

- Demo Chef Legue